This Dickhead is Back
Clive Palmer has re-relaunched his Cookers-Party with the new name, “Trumpet of Patriots” and even Sky News is mocking him.
Last week, Clive Palmer tried to re-register his United Australia Party in the High Court, but he failed. The party had been deregistered after the last federal election, and the law says it can’t be re-registered in the same electoral cycle.
The reason why UAP was originally deregistered is vague. It's been implied Palmer neglected to comply with a political party has obligations, including transparency in disclosing donations; NO WAY, SAY IT AIN'T SO!
Anyway, with the kybosh being put on the resurrection of the UAP, Palmer spent what must have been at least half an hour rebranding the party to the “Trumpet of Patriots”.
"Trumpet of Patriots"—and I can barely say it without feeling equal parts loathing and embarrassment—is a fucking joke. Don’t take my word for it; Sky News host Rita Panahi has called it “absurd.” Of course, Panahi will probably warm up to supporting TOP, given that it stands for all the things she approves of; bashing lefties, heaping scorn on LGBTQ+ people, and denying climate change.
It’s hard to ignore the ugly truth when it's staring you in the face. Our right-wing politicians have adopted the same political playbook as Trump, and these bozos are no exception. Watching these clowns, you begin to realise just how easily Australia could become the same steaming mire of toxic shit that America is rapidly turning into.
And speaking of rehashing rubbish, Palmer himself, in a paralysingly unoriginal statement, said “Trumpet of Patriots” will put “Make Australia Great Again.” Wow, Clive, how did you come up with that one?
Palmer doubled down on his lack of imagination by stating his party would only recognise two genders, male and female. “We don’t want men in women’s sports, and we don’t want males dressed as females confusing our children in our schools,” he said. Won’t someone think of the children!!!
Palmer is on a crusade to stir up the bogans.
When asked about actual policies rather than rhetoric, Palmer sidekick and (Jesus wept) prime ministerial hopeful, Suellen Wrightson announced that they will make it illegal for men to compete in women's boxing matches. That'll bring the price of eggs down.
Chirping in and clearly confused, Palmer announced that “Trumpet of Patriots will stand for 'all Trump policies.” He justified this by reporting (without a shred of supporting evidence) by saying that one in three Australian's support Trump’s policies. Someone should tell Clive .., ah, fuck it, why bother?
What with the obsession with Trump? He’s has been in power in the US for a few weeks and his approval is tanking at record speed. In fact, the only president in US history to have a lower approval rating than Trump 2.0 was Trump 1.0.
I just don’t get the drive to mimic the ghastliest person in modern American political history.
So what has ToP got for us? A name containing “Trump..” and “Patriots”, shit policies straight from the US, and an eyesore logo that looks like they used the free’ist of free AI image generators to create. It’s truly fucking terrible.
I honestly thought it was a joke when I saw it. A goofy lion blowing one of those South African football vuvuzela trumpets with the legend “Honor Omnia” — “Honour above all”, except it doesn’t say that. You couldn’t even get that right, Clive. “Honor Omnia” translates to “Honour everything.” You meant “Honora super omnia,” you fucking dope. It should read “Nos inutiles sumus” - Latin for "We Are Useless".
I just made this one on a a free-AI image maker and it took four seconds.
“Trumpet of Patriots” reeks of desperate, unoriginal populism. What Palmer’s doing is capitalising on global far-right nationalism and the flaming wreck of Trump’s America. We should look at America as a preview of what we’ll become if we give these fuckwits a seat in parliament.
It’s all slogans and bluster, with no actual policies to back them up. Palmer isn’t interested in helping anyone other than himself, the fat, greedy prick.
If Clive Palmer gained any real power, we’d see Australia’s political landscape flooded with his empty populism, ridiculous catchphrases, and self-serving agenda—nothing more than a circus show designed to line his pockets while ignoring the real issues facing the country.