NEVER PAY-OFF A VIKING
Peter Dutton as AEthelred the Unready
Last week, in a nauseating display of grovelling, Peter Dutton bent over and spread ‘em for Donald Trump, showing that the coalition at least will bend the knee because to his tariffs. “We have the links and the ability to reach into the Administration, and there is a pathway for a deal to be done.”, said Dutton the weasel, and criticising the federal government, lickspittle went on, “We could have leveraged a better outcome if we’d been speaking about this from January 20th.”
It's notable that in most of the media you see on the global response to Trump’s bullying, government and opposition parties have come together in mutual support for their countries. Not Peter though. Peter leapt at the opportunity to stick the knife into the PM for being “weak” and mishandled the relationship with the Trump administration. FUCK OFF PETER!
There are many reasons why Peter Dutton is unsuitable to be prime minister. Many, many, many reasons. But this takes the biscuit.
Trump’s tariffs are the economic equivalent of a Viking raid. You’re plodding along, wondering what you’ll have for tea, when FUCKING BAM, A bunch of hairy brutes rock up, pillage the shit out of you, and only fuck off when they’ve fleeced everything they can from your village.
A few weeks later, you think you’re safe and the fuckers come back. Trump’s tariffs are a Viking raid—nothing more, nothing less. And it’s not just some “economic strategy”; it’s a straight-up attack. Dutton says he can negotiate with that.
This Viking raid on the island of Lindisfarne, just off the Northumbrian coast in 789AD
You know what happens when you try to negotiate with Vikings so they’ll fuck off? They come back.
Trump is an angry little man with a Napoleon complex, AKA short-man syndrome. It’s psychological concept that suggests that shorter men are overly aggressive as a way to compensate for their physical or social shortcomings. Look at Trump’s behaviour, then look at his teeny-weeny hands. You’ll see what I mean. The editor of Vanity Fair magazine once called Trump a “short-fingered vulgarian.” He will never be anything other than an angry wee-man trying to act tough.
Trying to negotiate with someone like Trump over these tariffs is no different than trying to negotiate with a Viking raider. You can give him what he wants today, but tomorrow he’ll be back looking for more, ready to smash your economy just because he can.
There was a 10th century king in England named AEthelred the Unready. “Unready” in this case meant “bad counsel” or “no counsel” - unwise. AEthelred thought that if he paid off the Vikings, they’d stop raiding England. Aethelred was a muppet. “Give us gold, and we’ll leave you alone,” they said, so he did. The Vikings just took the gold and came back for more. Again, and again, and agai.. Because like Trump, they saw that payment as weakness. They didn't stop—they just thought, “This is easy; let’s keep going.”
So, Æthelred kept handing over more and more money, thinking he could buy peace. But the Vikings kept raiding. His kingdom was left weaker, more vulnerable, and eventually, it was conquered. Because appeasing a bully only makes them bolder. You can’t pay off a Viking—or Trump—and expect them to just go away. They'll be back with a bigger axe, demanding more loot, and before you know it, they’ve taken everything.
The only way to deal with a bully, is to stand your ground and say, “Enough is enough.” Because if you give in, you just encourage them to keep coming. The Vikings knew it, and Trump knows it, too. Appeasement never works—it only emboldens them. But we know when someone stands up to Trump he shits his pants and backs down. He’s done it again this week with the 90-day pause on tariffs for every country except China. Pay him - he’ll come back, Tell him to fuck off, and he’ll back down.
So, tell AEthelred Dutton to stop being such a Trump licky-bum, stop using this situation as a political opportunity, stop paying the tribute, and start standing up us.